I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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