i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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