I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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