I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize