normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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