it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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