I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize