i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
