I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
