Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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