He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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