babies were throwing up all over the place
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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