I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize