We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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