Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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