I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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