If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
