I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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