I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
