About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
