How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
