she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
