I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
