break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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