dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
