I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
