I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize