you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
