woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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