Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
