The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
