I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
