so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
