i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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