I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
