He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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