I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
