i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
