Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
