Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
