Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
