you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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