I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
zippers are such a cool invention
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
