What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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