Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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