dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
