remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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