Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
