I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
