You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
