He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
