his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize