Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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