Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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