Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
