My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
