Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize