he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
