no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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