he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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