I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
