Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
