so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
