You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
