Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
