Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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