Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
