Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
