I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
