No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please, let me fuck your mom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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