Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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